What I'm really thinking: the smoker

"When people talk about heroin addicts who will do anything to get a solution, I do not feel any different"

I loved nothing more than to stay out of a dinner in a restaurant or put the world to rights of other smokers and missing half the meal. But now I'm in my mid-40s, suddenly seems to be standing on my own property. On the outside looking in, wondering when - if - I will never fight against this addiction

Friends

wonder how smoke and lie. "Three a day, tops," I said, thinking that the treble and a little more. "You might as well give up," they say. Or, more observantly, "But you had the courage of his day as we talked," I laugh, say it is because I am very happy to be away from motherhood, work, responsibility. "I let my hair. Normally not smoke so much."

When it comes to heroin addicts who will do anything to get a solution, I do not feel any different. I'm addicted to sitting dirty lie like them. I'm addicted to reject the help of my daughter a bedtime story, saying he had work to finish so he can illuminate the garden. In the snow. Who missed the last train for a last cigarette before a three-hour trip - cold turkey unthinkable for someone like me. Put me somewhere I can not smoke - a film, play, air transport - and my mood is getting worse by the minute. I bite my family, refusing to say what is really surly away from me.

know I am on borrowed time. Smoke a lot and get away with it. There will be a return on investment, and my daughter will pay the price.

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